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Unfortunately we still live in a heterosexist society and that can keep people from really being open and talking about their same-sex experiences. When thinking about sexuality I often break it down into smaller categories: orientation, behavior, and identity. Finally, identity is what we call ourselves, what labels we choose (or refuse) to put onto our own selves.

It's easy to imagine how those things would line up: you're a guy, you are attracted to women, you engage in sexual behaviors with women, and you think of yourself as straight. You identify as female, fantasize about women, have sexual relationships with women, and identify as a lesbian. But it doesn't always line up like that for everyone.

It seems like there are a few layers going on here: your concern about your friendship with this guy, confusion about what happened between you and whether/how to address it, and some thoughts about your friend's possible sexual orientation.

The first thing I want to let you know (even though you did not quite ask it) is that same-sex experimentation with adolescents and young adults is really common.

Next thing I know, he's giving me an example of when his ex-girlfriend sucked him off and he starts nuzzling his nose in my pelvis area. And then it hits me that my BEST FRIEND just gave me a blowjob.

He's supposedly having sex with different girls everyday.

It's not that hard to believe since the girls he mention are attracted to him and they're also promiscuous.

For example, if you know you're straight but you've never had sex, can you not call yourself straight? Behavior is one piece of a larger picture that includes orientation (who you're attracted to) and identity (what you call yourself).

So maybe it's possible to try to let go of the firm notion that your friend must be gay.

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  1. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/Film Magic)LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 20: Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber in the audience at the 2011 American Music Awards at the Nokia Theatre L. LIVE on November 20, 2011 in Los Angeles, California.